Crazy times 

I thought the majority of the drama for this trip (most of which revolved around the CPR classes) was over. I was sorely wrong.

The flight back from Delhi to Zurich seemed like it would be pretty dull, considering my seat partner was a 70 year old grandpa. However, we talked a little bit and he told me about the time he fell unconscious on a plane because of his low blood pressure, so I told the flight attendent and he took his medicine. All was well.

I tried to fall asleep but I couldn’t because we were experiencing turbulence over a sea (I have no knowledge of Asian geography- it was the one before the Mediterranean). So I was staring out the window at the expansive starry night sky hoping for a period of stillness to calm my nerves and I turned around to look at something not terrifying when I saw my seat mate shaking ferociously in his chair, eyes wide open. 

I was terrified, because it looked like he was having a heart attack and I really did not want to witness a death on this plane ride. But to my surprise, the fear faded quickly. Instead, I found myself turning the lights on, calling the flight attendent and telling everyone around me that this man needed help.

Even when he stopped shaking and started vomiting (this was the first time I’d seen actual violent projectile vomiting), I wasn’t revolted at all. My main focus was making sure he didn’t choke and telling the flight attendent about his low blood pressure.

Luckily, though I personally believe he had a stroke on the plane, he was ok later. I had to change my seat because of the vomit, but I was really happy when the flight attendent and the lady in front of me told me how brave I was.
To me, this was revelatory because now I know that I will never be a bystander to people’s suffering, especially if it’s related to health problems. I know now that I will always want to help those in need and that being a doctor is actually my calling. 

So this is what I actually got from teaching others how to help people: learning how to help people myself.

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Is it over?

So I finished teaching at the 7th school. I might need to do one more session at my paternal grandmother’s village but that won’t be so bad. 

The thing is, I’m super tired of teaching in Hindi. It takes exorbitant amounts of energy to formulate words in another language and properly convey them to 80-250 people. And it irks me to the nth degree when people are like “they won’t understand, but it’s ok.” WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? Why would I travel 6,000 miles to some village in the middle of Bihar to teach people stuff they won’t understand?

Of course I’m aware that my Hindi isn’t perfect (or even slightly close) but if you overlook the American accent it’s not that hard to understand, especially if you put in even the slightest bit of effort. And the girls today, and the kids everyday,  did understand. You know why? Cause they decided that it was worth the effort to overlook my terrible Hindi in order to learn something vitally important: how to save lives. 

My final message to those in Bihar is just to be more accepting and open to new ideas and to focus more on educating the next generation. There’s so many kids here with so much potential that will go to waste if administrators and teachers don’t put some passion into their work.  My grandparents say that the conditions have deteriorated since my mom went to school here; back then all the teachers were educated and dedicated, now, although there definitely are exceptions, it’s hard to find school faculty like that. India has so much potential in general, which the government can only make use of with a lot of hard work.

And about my teaching experiences: I had fun, as hard as it may have been. Doing this was way outside my comfort zone, and I want to thank Girl Scouts for giving me the opportunity to come to Bihar and teach young people. This was definitely the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life, and because of this I’ve changed as a person. And oh my goodness, the Hindi I’ve learned.

I miss you English and I miss you television/good internet connection, but I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I’ve gotten here for anything in the world.

So. Much. Sweat. 

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Ignore my sweat stains

Today was very interesting.

I had to teach 200 high school boys (this wasn’t an all boys school but people are afraid of co education 😖). 

Before I went, I was dying of fear: how am I, a short not so loud girl who speaks broken Hindi, going to teach a bunch of rowdy boys how to do CPR? India is mostly not sexist, but this is rural Bihar, so I had no idea what to expect. Would they even take me seriously?

 As I sat there in the principal’s office, adrenaline from fear was rushing through me. I was worrying so much that I didn’t know how I would even be able to get up in front of so many people. But then I stopped for a second and remembered one quote I heard from someone that inspired me: “fake it till you make it.”

That’s when I realized that there was no way for these students or these teachers to gauge my anxiety if I kept it all inside. So I sat up straight, put on a take no prisoners face and told myself (as I do before every presentation) that no one else in that room would ever be able to go to a foreign country and teach life saving techniques in a language they barely knew. 

And so it went. Surprisingly, the boys payed attention (probably because there’s never been a girl at that school) and I very loudly and confidently explained to them who I was and taught them well, despite my ever imperfect Hindi. 

In all these schools, miraculously I’ve managed to develop a sense of camaraderie with the students, because although I am not as young as they are, I am not as old as a teacher. By the end, they want to listen cause I’ve become like big sister/friend to them. And that makes me happier than anything else.

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5/7 finished

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”
 ~Albert Einstein 

    So today wasn’t so bad. I went to a pretty (relatively) nice middle school and the principal there was active and nice. Unlike the principal at the girls high school I taught at last week, he actually acknowledged my presence. 

   The kids were nice too, for the most part. I have noticed in my experiences that there’s always those kids who are super enthusiastic and want to learn, and they participate as much as they can. Then there are those kids who sit at the back and laugh or goof off. 

The quote above is a little extreme, but I have noticed how there’s always those people who don’t even try to pay attention. I know my Hindi is not the best, but it’s not that hard to understand. It’s like when people speak English with Indian accents. There are always those jerks who, instead of at least trying to pay attention, just laugh at the poor person trying to speak. Like, can you speak more than one language? No? Then shut it. 

  I digress, it was only like 3 people out of like 80 in that class who were laughing, but it’s something that I had to point out cause it happens so much in life. If people try to understand, they will. But if they have their minds set against trying, they won’t. 

It’s important to keep things like this in mind. It happens in life a lot but I didn’t realize how annoying it was until I had to learn Hindi and speak it in front of a partially judging crowd. 

Also I’m irritated because I forgot to take pictures today😖. But it’s ok, only 2 more schools left.

Side note: I miss TV like I’d miss one of my kidneys if it Were gone.

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And then the downfall

Ok, so today wasn’t THAT BAD.

But yesterday was so much better. The administration at this all-girls high school was so bad that it took an hour to open the auditorium and to get girls there. What’s worse than that, which made me sad, is that most of the girls there weren’t even being properly educated. 

  As I waited forever in the office, I saw that so many girls didn’t have desks or classrooms and had to sit on the porch of the school. What kind of learning environment is that? Only a few of them were actually reading and writing. The rest were just sitting or playing in the field DURING school hours. There’s definitely a major lack of passion in the teachers and administrators if that many girls come to school and don’t do anything.
The class itself was ok, but because I was upset and really hot from my wait,  I didn’t feel inclined to put so much energy in to it. What’s more is that though we were promised no more than 100 girls, about 300 showed up. 

I’m tired of seeing so many students coming to school here and not being given a proper environment to be educated in. Sure, at first I am grateful that I live in the U.S. and my parents make enough money to send me to a good school, but mostly I just feel bad for all these kids, especially the young women I saw today.

  If I’ve noticed anything in Bihar, it is that women are given far less respect than men. Far less. And this girls high school built on a trust from Gandhi’s wife should be a beacon of hope for those girls looking for a way to be independent, but for most of the girls it’s not. It’s just a ruse that the administration keeps up for political reasons. Without an actual passion for an actual cause, most (not all, but most) of these administrators are being licentious. 

One day when/if I ever make a lot of money, I will come here and do something for these children. I’ll build a couple more rooms or put money in trustworthy hands to hire more teachers. I know I have a long way to go, but education is really important to me and I want to do something about what I saw today. 

Not every girl needs to be a doctor or engineer or business woman, but every girl should have the chance to be one. 

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The challenge overcome

This is how many kids I had to teach today. Two hundred fifteen

(There was a picture here that I’ll upload later)

  At first I was like oh my gosh how  am I ever going to do this😓

 But later it started going well. Surprisingly, I didn’t mess up that much and rarely had to stop and think. Also at the end the principal thanked me formally for being an inspiration (since this was an all girls school), so I was/am really content with today.

3 down, 4 more to go!!!

Side note: this is literally the only app that works with my data connection, since I am in a village, so sorry if I don’t respond to you or see anything you say (to my friends). The only thing I can do is post. Anything else takes forever. I miss you guys 😢

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I feel my temperature rising

“It’s getting hot in here, but this is India so I have to keep all my clothes on.”

-Shreya, today’s CPR class
       

       I am literally so tired that I don’t even know if I remember English anymore. The school that I went to today had no fans or ACs, and the windows were open (to let in a little air and A LOT of sound) so I sweat 5 gallons. However, I think the class itself went alright. The kids were too shy to tell me when they didn’t understand, but luckily the teacher there understood and helped clairify somethings  in Hindi. 

     I was sort of annoyed by the principal’s frequent interruptions in the beginning because I thought I was doing well enough (and he explained some things wrong at first) but the culture here is like that. Elders have more authority simply because of their age. However, I ended up explaining CPR pretty well and the kids seemed to understand because they came up and demonstrated it well. All in all, today was a good learning experience, although in the end I forgot what language was because the sweat somehow reached the language regions of my brain. 

Lessons learned: speak loudly and don’t get too arrogant to check what you have on notecards because making things up on the fly literally drains the brain.

  
I want English back 😢😢 everyone thinks I’m stupid because I have a 5 year old’s vocabulary. 

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Mushkil Kaam 

The title means “difficult work,” which is the exactly correct descriptor for how this teaching job seems it’s going to be.  Tomorrow is the first session in the first school, and I am apprehensive. I know that teaching is difficult in any language, but for me teaching in Hindi will almost be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s not that I didn’t practice- I do it sometimes in my sleep- but I don’t know what to expect from the students and the schools. Will they even understand some of what I’m trying to say?

 Luckily, my grandma and this other “educated boy” coming along with us may be able to help. The boy knows Hindi and English, and my grandma sometimes understands my broken attempts at Hindi. However, it seems like my grandma is too busy here for me to ask her to listen to my entire presentation, though I’ll ask to present to her later. This is slightly harder than I thought it would be, mostly because as the time to teach nears, I begin fearing the unknown in regards to how I will be received in the schools. I actually get very frustrated when people don’t understand me here, because most of the time I sound fine to myself. I’ll just have to deal with it, jump in, then asses the waters.

   In other news, it’s pretty cold here right now because the rain magically arrived with me so it feels awesome. I like this village, with its open air, fresh food, and the cute kittens that follow my grandma around. So I’ll be fine, after I do this thing tomorrow. 

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Harder than I’d thought

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
~ Winston Churchill

       I’d thought that learning Hindi would be a breeze once I got here, for everyone would be speaking it 24/7. That’s totally not the case.                          

    The cousins I’ve been staying with know English, and so I’ve fallen into the pattern of not speaking Hindi out of convenience.  It’s just that I feel like I sound stupid whenever I try, like all those foreign born people in Bollywood movies that I used to make fun of 😖. 

    But we all must work hard to gain what we need, so I guess that sounding stupid is one of the steps to learning a new language. And I desperately need to learn it if I want people to pay attention to me when I teach. The thing is that I’m the minority here. In the U.S., people make fun of those with foreign accents the same way they do here. It’s just a part of life that I have to accept if I am to overcome it.

So it’s time to step out of the comfort zone that I’ve snuggled into over the past week and jump right into it. AHHHHHHHH!!!!

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Flightmares

What is a fear of living? It’s being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself – for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don’t know what you’re here to do, then just do some good.

Maya Angelou
   

       Everyone is afraid of the unknown- it’s a part of human life. But sometimes it’s necessary to look at things with a different perspective in order to discover why you’re frightful. 

     Yesterday, the fear of flying on an airplane for a combined 17 hours made me feel like puking 30 hours before I even stepped foot in a plane; it wasn’t until one of my friends opened up my perspective that I realized I was being stupid. Recently having had her wisdom teeth pulled out, she shared with me the articles that she scourged the night before her surgery in anticipative paranoia:  most of them were about death by oral surgery. 

  Her seemingly trivial fear of something so usually benign made me realize that my trepidation really had no cause. If it was dying that I feared, I technically could die via any method under the sun. Yesterday night as I lay under my creaky ceiling fan, I realized I could die if it fell on me as I slept. I could have died if the knife I dropped earlier in the day cut an artery. In short, there are 1,000,000 to die, and fearing all of those ways would be akin to fearing life itself. 

    All around the world, people in the thousands are dying, some unjustly, and they didn’t even get to have the comfort that I had in my life. So why should I weep now?

   Maya Angelou’s quote brings this post to a close. Life is short, and no one is ever ready to die. The important thing is to live the best way you can: by helping others, spending time with those you love and doing things that make you happy. The only thing to fear is fear itself, that nasty monster. 😊

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